Allow me today to be a self-appointed advisor to the young single ladies and gentlemen. I just felt the need to write on this topic not because am good at it, but just to rely my opinions on what I think dating with a purpose is all about and possibly throw in a few words of advice. I hope to one day get a platform to teach young teenagers on dating with a purpose. To begin with, as humans, we are wired to yearn for a companion in our life. Someone we can share everything with and someone who knows the very most about our inner self. Hence the need to date in quest of finding that “right one”. However, every individual has a different reason as to why they want to date. Some reasons are selfish while others are true and pure. Some people are in it for the fun, money and sex. But am not here to talk about those meaningless relationships, I am here to talk about dating with a purpose. It is important to consider the future when choosing to date someone. Realizing whether the relationship will end up in something much bigger or temporary is important. That is one of the elementary fundamentals of dating with a purpose. Date a person who has similar objectives to yours. In my view therefore, dating with a purpose is choosing someone whom you would want to spend your life with. There is no point of using your time and resources on dating someone on a temporary basis. This is wastage of time and money not forgetting that this sort of dating can also drain you emotionally. The following are some of my key points to note;
I. Put God First
The most important thing not only in the dating scene but even in life is to always put God first in everything that you do. God is the center of everything in our life. Never put the person you are dating, intending to date etc. before God. Sometimes we seem to be chasing a man/woman more instead of chasing God. Yearn to know more about God’s word. Study, memorize and meditate upon the word of God and allow Him to lead you in your relationship. Learn to be a doer of the word rather than just a reader. Let God teach you how to be a better person and ask him for knowledge, wisdom and understanding. Knowing what God expects from you will make you know how to treat the person you are dating. Love doesn’t make a good relationship; you need knowledge, understanding and wisdom. Proverbs 4:7, Wisdom is Supreme. Age does not make you wise, it makes you old. Dating with a purpose involves allowing God to take the wheel. II. Pray Prayer is the most important concept. As Munroe says, prayer is an earthly license for heavenly interference and it is not an option to a believer but a necessity. Prayers make a big difference in our life. Submitting everything including your relationship to God is important in dating with a purpose. Believe you me the devil will do everything in his power to destroy a thriving relationship and the only weapon you have is prayer. Praying and meditating on God’s word builds a protective hedge/fence around your relationship making it hard for the devil to penetrate through. However, sin breaks this hedge hence allowing the devil in and as we know, he only comes to kill and destroy. Pray for your partner, prayer for the breakage of all the chains of bondage, pray pray pray.
III. Similar Objectives
It is important that you have the same views or objectives with the person you are dating or intending to date. Otherwise there will be a lot of problems. For instance, your objectives may vary in terms of when to get married, when to get kids, etc. So addressing such issues early is important. It’s also important to have a godly partner whom your share the same view as Christians and help each other grow in your faith. If you are rooted to God and get a man/woman who is not, this may course friction because one of you who is not rooted to God will bring the other one down and not be able to understand the importance of spending time with God. I have so much to say on this but will limit it to that.
I remember part of the questions I used to ask any man who wanted to purse me is “when are you intending to get married?” Just a rough estimate. There was no point of settling with a guy who wants to get married when he gets to 40 years while I was intending on settling in my younger years of late 20s and not exceeding 27 God willing. Problems that would arise upon skipping this question is when you want to settle down and the guy seems to be pressured because his intention was 40, not 30! A story is told of a couple who dated for 2 years and even planned to get married during their second year of dating. They had similar objectives and at that point none of them seemed to be pressured as the goal of the relationship was to get married eventually. Unfortunately, the man decided to change his mind and told the lady to wait for two more years.What can be more heart breaking than that? So sometimes couples may start with similar objectives but something happens, that is why it is important to also practice point number II.The worst can happen as seen in the short story, thus as much as it is heard, keep an open mind and get ready for the dangers in dating, not just the benefits.
I believe it is important to know more about the person you are dating. Spend time together knowing each other more, sharing new experiences and having fun together. For instance, in most cases,I would never try out a new restaurant or a new place without my man because sharing new experiences together is usually amazing. Men, learn your lady’s PMS, it is very important, I cant stress further on this.Generally share stuff with each other tends to bring a good bond and helps you practice abstinence. This brings me to my next point
Abstinence can be the hardest thing to do in a godly relationship. Dating with a purpose involves abstaining and trying to maintain sexual purity as much as possible. Hence you need prayer and ask God to send you and your partner the Holy Spirit to guide you and help you in dealing with the temptations that you will encounter more often than not. As you go through the points which I have listed, you will notice that each point relates with another. For instance, for you to abstain, you need a partner who understands the importance of abstinence and also has a similar view hence connecting to point number III.
Wishing you all the best