It can be very difficult to think of forgiving someone who has hurt you or did something extremely bad to you. There are something’s that hurt so bad that you can never, never, never , ever forget. It is so hard to walk around carrying a wound especially from a person whom you thought would never do that to you. I came to a realization, not in all cases though, that the person you least suspect to ever stab you, humiliate you, deceive you etc is the one who will actually do that, the person closest to you. If you have ever experienced such a situation or you are currently experiencing such a situation, am sure you can relate very well with what am talking about.
I would like to share with you what I learned from Dr. Howard Wesley and am sure it will help you in your healing process and also help you to forgive the person who caused you the pain. Maybe God led you to this page so please, be patient and read my lesson . Remember, patience is a fruit we all must take.
After an offence some relationships cannot be reconciled. Hurt can be so damaging that relationships cannot be restored. Sometimes things don’t go back to the way they are. That is why most of the time I would never get back together with any of my Exes or try to rekindle any relationships broken as a result of betrayal. There is no were in scripture that God equates forgiveness with being restored to the relationship they were in. Forgiveness can be granted but reconciliation denied.In Luke 17 we learn that it is impossible to go through life and no offence come. There is no immunity to mistreatment even after salvation. Offence and being wounded are one of the most productive tools used by the devil to spoil relationships not only on earth but with God. Offence holds us hostage to past pain. The devil wants to hold us in unproductive feelings such as anger, resentment etc. that will keep you from pursuing the future that God has for you. Holding to past hurt is the most unproductive thing you can do.
Just because it looks good on paper doesn’t mean it’s ordained by God. Just because it looked like it ought to work, doesn’t mean that God said it has to work. You have two categories of people in your life;
- People God has assigned in your life
- People You just allowed in your life
|God sometimes allows an offence to break a relationship that He did not ordain.
You cannot force in partnership what God Has not ordained
God sometimes allows an offence to break a relationship that He did not ordain. The proof is in Acts chapter 13. In summary what the verse tells us is that God had assigned Paul and Barnabas but they took John with them. You cannot force in partnership what God Has not ordained in providence. What God Has put together no man can separate.
You cannot rush reconciliation. Sometimes it takes time. An unforgiving heart will cause you to loose other important relationships in life. An unforgiving heart is also a non-grateful heart. Do not let the bitterness of what he/she/they did to you cause you to be ungrateful for what God has done for you. In spite what they did to you, God still blesses you. Their hurt can NEVER hinder Gods Hand. Isn’t God faithful?
Forgiveness is not a feeling but the decision you make. The first sign of true forgiveness is when you decide that there are some offenses that you keep private. I know especially we ladies would vent on what our exes have done to us, or what some person did to us.
I came to learn that sharing other peoples offences to those who have nothing to do with it is only trying to punish the person who offended you by tarnishing their reputation and turning other people against them.
So when you still feel the need to share their offenses to someone, you have not truly forgiven them. There is nowhere in the Bible that says when someone has offended you, blab about it. When someone has offended you, there are two things that God judges; what they did and how you responded.
If you respond by telling everyone, you are judged as well. If you need to talk to someone, talk to Jesus and then keep some stuff to yourself. True forgiveness is when you don’t seek revenge or be resentful about their blessings.
Hurt people hurt people.
Revenge does not heal you heart. Revenge will not change the person who hurt you. Revenge will not make you feel better.
Jesus says pray for them not about them. Pray for the Lord to bless them, to remove the bitterness in them. True forgiveness is when you can interact with those who hurt you. True forgiveness is when you do not repeat the offence to others.
Do not seek revenge or resent their blessings.
Do not rewind their offense or replay it in your emotions
Do not put the control of your well-being in their hands
After the initial offence the rest of the pain you feel is self-inflicted because you sit around thinking about it. Think about it this way, you are holding resentment, crying over a man/woman who carelessly broke your heart, who pretended to value you, who toyed with your emotions, who humiliated you, who used you etc. while he/she is enjoying their life with another woman/man and you no longer exist in their life. Yes, the last person whom you thought will never betray you is the one who will actually press the trigger and shoot you. Remember the story of Jesus and Judas?
So child, it’s not worth it going through that emotional turmoil and most of all Guard Your Heart and be joyous in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer. Romans 12:12 keeps me going in life 🙂